Here is the letter I wrote to the court, pleading to get my son back

Dear Judge Wylie:

I am writing this letter in the matter of the adoption hearing set for March 2, 2007 involving Sven and Ingelore X. I am the mother of the child that is being adopted.

My name is Jonelle X. My reason for writing this letter is to inform you of my wishes to not allow this adoption to be finalized. I would like to revoke my consent. Let me start of by saying I love my son and only want what is best for him and his future. Being with me is the best thing for me and my child. Even though he has been with the family for the past two months, he and I share an unbreakable bond. I know my child better than they can ever know him because I was with him for every second of his existence in this world. The things that the family tells me that he does now I already know because he did those same things while he was in my womb. The way he moves his hands and feet, I felt all of those movements and I could tell you exactly what every kick and flip and turn meant and when he was going to do it. The way he likes to eat now, I know that because he would bounce in my stomach every time he wanted me to eat. There is no way you can say this family has a stronger bond then my son and I. He was a part of me for nine months and three days in the hospital. He has spent more than half of his life as a part of me. His life began in me. There is no greater bond than that of mother and child. At three months old he is still learning the world. He has yet to fully attach himself to anyone. He knows my scent and he knows my voice because it is the only sound and smell he was exposed to for nine months. He needs to be with the woman who gave him life. The woman who would give her life and give up everything just to have him in her arms again.

 I understand I did sign the consent forms allowing him to be adopted. However, those forms were signed while I was under an intense amount of emotional stress. I was weak and I was not of sound mind when I signed those papers. The original family that was to adopt backed out at the last minute. They were the source of some of my stress. They had been harassing me about my medical files and sending them pictures of the child’s father to see what he looked like. They even went so far as to accuse me of lying to them about knowing his contact information, which I honestly did not know. I was grateful for them backing out because I thought then I could take my baby home. Unfortunately, that was not the case. After telling my parents I wanted to take him home and I didn’t want to meet another family, they convinced me to meet with X. After meeting with them for about 30 minutes they left and about an hour later the lawyer’s office called and told me I had to make a decision that day because they were closing at 5 and they couldn’t do anything on the weekend.  I felt like I was being brainwashed by my parents and the social workers and lawyers involved in the adoption. Every time I told someone I didn’t feel right about it all they would say is it will get better it’s the right thing to do. No one once thought about how I was feeling inside. The social worker even tried to compare my hurt to that of her leaving her son 4 hours away when he went to college. This is hardly the same situation. I was having a breakdown at the time of the signing and even then my parents still continued to coax me into signing the papers. I even stepped out of the room to call the social worker handling the case to see if she could help me. I got no answer. I don’t think that was by accident.

During my pregnancy, I was working a job that caused me to be under immense pressure and stress. I wanted to alleviate that stress and find another job closer to where my parents lived so I would at least have them by my side. They of course told me no, I could not quit my job and I couldn’t look for a new job because no one would hire me being pregnant. I turned down job offers that would have allowed me to be in a better mind set and actually think about what I was doing. Because I trusted my parents I turned them all down. I’m really trying to relay to you the things that were forced into my head during my pregnancy. There is no way I was voluntarily putting my signature on those papers. I was never in a clear conscious state about the adoption, throughout the whole nine months. I never wanted to give my child up. I truly felt forced. I was tricked into believing it was best for my child and that I would be on welfare and would never get off it and I’d end up on the streets with my son. This was said to me by my own father. I did not nor do I need my parent’s or anyone’s help financially or otherwise to properly raise my son. There was no real reason he should have been adopted. I was not on drugs, I was not mentally incapable, I was not poor or broke, I did not have other children, and I was not a threat to my child. There was absolutely 120% no reason my son should have been adopted. I was just not strong enough mentally to realize all of this at the time. My parents put the notion in my head that because, at the time, I was interested in medical school I could not attend school and take care of my son at the same time. I expressed to them several times before, during and after the adoption that I did not wish to go to medical school and that I did not want to adopt my child.

I understand that according to the law I am a consenting adult, but please understand that up until recently I still depended on my parents. I was a sheltered child and they kept me away from a lot of things. I depended on their expertise because I felt I could trust their judgment when it came to my life. I just graduated from college in December of 2005. Last year was my first year living completely on my own paying my own bills and making my own decisions. When I told my parents about my pregnancy I thought they would be supportive and convince me to keep the baby and not try to taint my mind into thinking there was not way I could take care of my child on my own. If I had known how they were going to react I would have never asked for their opinion. I was literally forced by my parents to sign those papers. They didn’t even allow me to tell my best friend about my pregnancy because they didn’t want her parents to find out. They kept me away from my family in Maryland when I went to visit them in DC because they didn’t want them to see me pregnant. They made me lie to my uncle so he wouldn’t come out there to see us. I was kept in seclusion from everyone except for a few people who had seen me. Most of my friends and family don’t even know to this day that I had a child.

Not only did I feel force from my parents, I feel I was lied to and being taken advantage of by the lawyers involved. There was never a time throughout the adoption process that my rights or lack of rights were ever discussed with me. The content of what I was to sign was NEVER discussed with me until the day I signed. There is no way after going through the emotional trauma I went through during my pregnancy and giving birth to my son ALONE, by C-section, I was able to fully understand the content of what I was signing. I was never told that after I sign the papers there would be no way I could reverse my decision. I was mis-lead into believing I had ninety days to reverse my consent. I was told specifically, and I remember this word for word, if I decided to contest the adoption the courts would either give him back to me, not give him back, or he could be placed in foster care. Your honor, I specifically remember those words being said to me at the time of the signing. If this is not true, according to the law, then I was misrepresented and was lied to. I was never told that I would be signing away my rights to appear at the court hearing until that day. I didn’t understand the consequences of signing that document. I didn’t know that was a way of making sure I had no way of contacting you or the courts to revoke my consent. This was they lawyers way of silencing my voice and my rights. I never wanted to sign those papers, NEVER.  

Your honor, please hear and understand my pleas to you. I know you are a very busy man but this is my last hope for justice. I’ve called practically every lawyer in the Charleston area and no one is willing to listen to me or help me. This is the end of the road for me. I don’t know what else to do. I’m here all alone representing myself because the law is against me as well as my family and friends. I feel it is necessary to let you know that I am fully capable of caring for my son both financially and otherwise. I am a college graduate from a major university in Arizona. I am a very intelligent young woman. I do not smoke or do drugs nor have I ever done either of those. The only time I consume alcohol is when I go out with my friends and it is never to intoxicating levels. I’ve never been arrested and I have no criminal background. I currently live in Arizona working a full-time job, as a neuro-monitor. The job pays more than most in the area. I will also be up for a 10 - $12,000 raise within the next six months. I fully support myself in a two bedroom two bath townhouse. I work a job that will allow me time with my son. I do not have to work a full 5 day work week. I work about 20 -25 hours with full-time pay. As is evident by the health of my son at the time of his birth I am a fit mother and have nothing but his best interest at heart. Unfortunately I was mis-lead in my time of need which caused me to give up my son.

I don’t know what else to tell you, but the truth. Everything I’ve stated in this letter is the absolute truth. I love my son, more than I love myself. I’m dying without him and have been ever since I left the hospital without him. Your honor I’m begging you, please don’t keep my son from me, please allow me to have my son back with me, please allow me to revoke my consent. Please don’t keep the only good thing that has ever happened to me in my life away from me. I can not live without my son. He’s my life and without him I have nothing worth anything in my life. I made a mistake. I will never trust anyone but myself from now on. I know there are plenty of mothers out there who have done wrong in their life and are allowed to be with their children. Former drug addicts and negligent mothers have been allowed the right to their children back. If these women can be allowed to be a mother to their children again then I certainly should be allowed to have my son back. Please don’t let one mistake cost me my son. We need each other, I carried him for nine months alone, went through 24 hours of labor alone, and I delivered him by C-section alone. His whole life has been he and I and we’ve done beautifully together. Please, Your Honor, let us be a family again.